Saturday, 17 October 2009

"BackAche World"

I am currently living in "back spasm world" - the world where Andrew's back hurts so much he can barely walk, we spend 3 hours in the emergency room, and we drive to the pharmacy to pick up narcotic drugs.  Andrew is still in pain, but he doesn't care.  He is one cloud higher than "Robaxi-stoned."

In Back Spasm World, I am not just a Wife and the Mother of an 8-week-old infant.  I turn into full-time cook, full-time maid, (normally I get a little help in these areas), chauffeur, nurse, personal support worker (think "I'm putting on your socks because you can't reach), and doing my best not to be cranky.

Back Spasm World is very inconvenient at the best of times.  These are not the best of times.  With Andrew's work situation up in the air, our financial stability is more like a game of Jenga, and if he can't work, he can't earn, we can't pay.  So we're juggling not only where Andrew is going to work, but when he'll be strong enough to get there if it has any physical requirements.  He's also working on going back to school to become a counsellor, which is great and exciting (I'm so jealous about being a student!), but still scary and expensive.  And where are we going to live? I have no idea.  Depends where we end up finding work, what happens with Andrew and school, what we can afford. Plus we have this thing with our car that may or may not be happening, and I have no idea how it's supposed to work, so I stress about that even though Andrew has said he will take care of it, and the deal is with his parents, who are NOT going to rip us off.

But still, I stress.  I stress and I get cranky and I get headaches when I think about it all.

Trust.  I need to remember to trust.  HE knows better.  HE has a plan.  HE sees the bigger picture.

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