If you're here from Home Sanctuary, Welcome!
TRUTH: *I MISS MY VOICE*
Back in June, while I was still great with child (did I ever tell you how huge I got when I was pregnant?), something wierd happened with my voice. Over the course of a week or two, my naturally 'alto' voice got very gravelly, low, and it became painful to speak at length. My singing voice, with which I could easily sing a 2-octave range was attacked so hard, I could no longer get through Happy Birthday or Jesus Loves Me without my voice cracking. I figured it was a side effect of the pregnancy - maybe my neck had swollen up so much (like the rest of me), that it was putting pressure on my vocal chords, causing my voice to change. Well, six months post-delivery, my voice is a little better than it was, but is still gravelly, low, and painful. I can get through Jesus Loves Me now, but any song with a range requiring just a little vocal ability is like scratching my throat with heavy sandpaper.
The pain of speaking at length was a problem - as a Kindergarten teacher, I was always talking and singing. It was my job, and let's face it, there was some yelling going on - not in anger, just in volume. 20 5-year-olds are noisy!
I could have learned to deal with the changes, if it weren't for the all-but-removal of my singing voice. Singing is my worship outlet. It's my way of drawing near. It allows me to praise and pray and adore and ask forgiveness. Because of this voice change, I've had to find new ways to praise. New ways to worship. And they are good, but I miss my voice.
TRUTH: *I HATE SEEING DOCTORS*
I feel like Papa Bear from the Berenstein Bears - afraid of the doctor and what he or she may tell me is wrong. But I mustered up my courage in November and saw my family doctor back in Waterdown about the voice changes. She set up an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist's appointment for me here in Alliston.
After a few mix-ups about what specialists existed and/or were available (They tried to send me to a doctor they couldn't find. Medical receptionists can be very helpful, but apparently they can be a little ditzy, too.), I have an appointment for a scope next Friday afternoon. They are going to freeze my throat (I HOPE), and send a camera down to see if there are polyps on my vocal chords.
My family doctor also mentioned that it could be that I "never learned to speak properly" - that I've never used my vocal chords correctly, and that intensive speech therapy might get things back to normal.
I am very nervous about next week. I don't like being poked and prodded. I REALLY hope I don't have to don a hospital gown. I am looking forward to a popsicle afterward, though. :)
LIE: *I HATE CHOCOLATE*